


Mistakes, I've made a few

by WritingStag



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, mentions of Doc and Dolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 09:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11688432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingStag/pseuds/WritingStag
Summary: Nicole has a lot of time to think on all her past mistakes and short comings, after all, when  psycho kidnaps you and ties you up theres not a whole lot to do other than think.





	Mistakes, I've made a few

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of taking the ending of 2.08, the headcanon/fan theory that Nicole is going to be kidnapped in the next episode or near future and running with it. Mostly canon compliant but a few artistic liberties are taken. Enjoy!

Nicole has plenty of time to think on past mistakes. The chains around her are thick and heavy. No room to wiggle, much less escape. There’s not a lot to do in the dark except think.

Think about how she let Waverly down, time and time again.

The first time Nicole let Waverly down she barely knew her. Jack of Knives had kidnapped them both, yet Nicole had been tossed back. It made sense now that Jack had wanted Wynonna, Jack was a revenant and Wynonna was the heir. It hadn’t mattered though. Nicole hadn’t been able to save Wynonna. Nicole even blamed herself for Wynonna being pregnant. There was a chance it was Docs but there was also a chance it was a revenants, a mistake Wynonna wouldn’t have made if she’d been more sober, which she would have been if she hadn’t just been kidnapped by a serial killer.

A tear leaked from Nicole’s eyes despite how tightly they were squeezed shut. The memory of Waverly, barely holding it together, her eyes filled with tears as she choked out her words before spinning and leaving the doorway to her room, her sobs echoing down the hall. Nicole spent the entire time in the hospital analysing everything, trying to dredge up memories, trying to figure out what she could have done differently, what she could have done to save Wynonna. Nicole would have done anything to spare Waverly the pain of thinking she’d lost the only family she’d had left. Even with the pounding in her chest and the throbbing in her head, the blood soaked nightmares all Nicole could think about was how she’d failed.

Remembering makes Nicole’s chest ache all over again, a phantom pain she hadn’t felt in months. She hadn’t know it at the time But Waverly and Wynonna have rapidly become family to her, two of the only people she truly cares for in purgatory. And knowing what Wynonna did after she escaped, knowing her son may be half demon, Nicole blames herself.  A sudden blinding light accompanied by a sharp pain in her head and Nicole is knocked unconscious.

When she next wakes there’s a rough rope around her wrists, rope burn already making her skin raw.  One eye is sealed shut, coagulated blood making prying her eyelids apart impossible. Even without her eyesight Nicole can figure out she’s hanging, thankfully not by her neck but it is killing her shoulder joints. There’s a muffled voice coming from behind her and Nicole wriggles her wrists. All it does is give her worse rope burns so she stops. The voice gets quieter then fades and Nicole lets her chin drop to her chest.

There’s nothing but quiet and nothing else to do but think some more. Waverly is the only thing on her mind. Waverly and her mistakes. Nicole remembers the barn. Being asked to pop out and Waverly wandering in, a slump to her shoulders. It was nice knowing she could provide comfort, it was nice feeling Waverly melt into her, knowing Waverly felt safe with her. Kissing Waverly had been nice, soft at first, then it had escalated, clothes had come off and just as things were heating up Willa had interrupted. Waverly had instantly tensed, every single muscle rock solid under her touch. Everything in Nicole screamed to pull away, an instinct she hadn’t ignored. Putting her shirt back on, she had hurried from the barn, Waverly’s voice sharp behind her. Later when they had a chance to be alone, Waverly had  screamed and ranted before finally crying it out, telling Nicole all the horrible things Willa had done, including almost killing her. Several times. Nicole had waited until Waverly was fast asleep before sliding from the bed and locking herself in the bathroom, knuckles white as she gripped the sink.

It made her sick, knowing what she knew, and she had just left Waverly to deal with Willa. She hadn’t known but she had still left Waverly with someone who clearly made her uncomfortable. She hadn’t slept at all that night, guilt eating her and chewing its way through her gut and up to her heart, leaving the poor organ in tatters.

Her thoughts are derailed by a solid punch to the gut, her breath leaving her in a wheeze. Whoever is hitting doesn’t say a word, just the occasional grunt as they unleash their fury on her. Eventually they leave, but not before cutting the rope and letting her crash to the ground, her hip and shoulder taking the brunt of the damage. After the pain subsides slightly Nicole rolls over onto her belly, her face pressing against the floor. Something is poking her in the face and after a few moments she figures its hay. Not that it helps much. She can’t see much out of her one good eye and even if there was, it’s not like she can do anything about it.  She coughs and blood spills from her lips. Nicole is a cop, not a doctor but even she knows coughing blood likely means a broken rib, particularly one stuck into her lung. That or something even worse. Nicole never hoped she’d have a broken rib, but here she is, on what she assumes is a dirty barn floor bleeding and hoping she’s broken but not irreparably broken.

Nicole passes out soon after.

When she wakes next she’s still on the barn floor. Her chest aches and Nicole is now certain she’s got a broken rib. It hurts like hell to do anything even breathe, but Nicole forces herself to roll over onto her back despite the odd angle and her arms being tied behind her back. It hurts slightly less to breath on her back despite the pain in her wrists.

Nicole thinks of her parents. They probably know she’s missing by now. Near as she can tell she’s been gone for a couple of days. At least longer than 24 hours, the standard amount of time before next of kin is alerted. Waverly probably knows too. Nicole wonders what Waverly thinks. A dark insidious part of her whispers that Waverly doesn’t care, maybe she’s glad she’s gone. Fit punishment for messing up so much. With her thoughts swirling Nicole remembers the next time she failed Waverly.

With everything going on with Willa and the town going crazy Nicole had barely remembered to put on a vest. But thankfully she had, and thank god too because Willa had shot her. The gunshot had been loud but all Nicole heard was Waverly’s scream and the crack of her own head hitting the door frame. She’d made Wynonna and Waverly lose peacemaker, worst of all she made Waverly cry. She’d scared her and made the most important person in her life cry. At least she hadn’t died on her.

At least that time. Nicole had always been an optimist, but even that was slowly being taken away. Every hour spent in capture was wearing her down. If she’s being honest with herself (and really what’s the point of lying or pretending?) she doesn’t think she’ll get out of here. And the last memory Waverly will have of her is the DNA test, knowing Nicole read it and hid it from her. The last memory Waverly will have is of them fighting. It makes Nicole sob, really truly sob for the first time since being kidnapped.

Once Nicole calms down she’s realized her other eye is clear which is nice but doesn’t help much. All she can see is the wooden wall and the high lofted ceiling. All she can think of is Waverly face. Her smile, the soft look on her face when they made love for the first time, her tear stained face in the hospital, the betrayal and heartbreak on her face when she found out about the DNA test. The last memory Nicole will have of Waverly is that look, and Waverly walking away, her parting words ‘don’t follow me’ the last words Nicole would hear her speak. Nicole wants to cry but the tears simply won’t come. Nicole relaxes, dropping her head backwards. Everything hurts and Nicole honestly just wants to give up. She’s not sure she deserves to be saved anymore. It’s a surprisingly dark thought. One that almost takes Nicole by surprise. It takes Nicole another full five minutes before she fully parses that thought and it registers. Nicole has always been an optimist and she’s been having increasingly dark thoughts. Dark thoughts she can’t ignore but also are entirely unlike her. Her brain scrambles for a few seconds before settling on what she considers a reason, not a particularly reasonable one but a reason. Revenant. Can revenant influence her thoughts? Nicole sure hopes so because otherwise this is a disturbing new thought process that she doesn’t want to explore right now.

There’s a shuffling and a loud bang and then Nicole is being blindfolded and dragged. By now she knows not to resist. When they come to a stop she tied to something else and then the footsteps hurry away. Theresa low hissing sound and Nicole’s best guess for what’s about to happen is gas because soon after she slumping over and falling asleep.

She spends an indeterminate amount of time slipping in and out of consciousness, dark thoughts constantly circling in the precious few moments she’s awake. She’s devolved from thinking about her regrets to thinking Waverly hates her, really and truly hates her. From there, she spirals, wondering if she twists her wrists enough if the rope burn will rip her skin and she’ll bleed out. Wonders if she can get the rope around her neck tight enough to choke herself to death. Wonders if she could manage to find something sharp enough to cut her neck wide open and watch the red spill and swirl and spread across the floor.

It doesn’t even scare her anymore which in turn _should_ scare her but nothing does anymore.

She loses track of the days.

The next time she wakes she does so slowly. Her brain is slow and fuzzy and just waking up takes up all the energy she has. There’s a warmth on her cheek. It feels so nice and Nicole leans into it. Her hearing comes back slower, like she’s underwater and slowly drifting upwards. When she can finally hear again someone is calling her name. They sound upset. Her visions swims into focus and she sees long hair. Her face is wet and warm and she doesn’t understand why. Hands on her face, warm and soothing.

“Nicole? Nicole? Nicole!” It’s a woman’s voice. Slowly recognitions seeps in. Waverly. She’s crying and her hands are warm on her face. Nicole is on her back and her arms are finally unbound. She’s not blindfolded. She’s as free as she’s been since she was kidnapped. The world tips and then near as Nicole can tell she’s being cradled in Waverly’s arms, her head leaned up against her shoulder. Waverly is crying and smoothing the hair from her face and rocking them both. Nicole let’s herself ease back, knowing she may never get to be this close to Waverly ever again. “Just hold on baby, were gonna save you.”

“No.” she protested weakly. “No it’s not worth it. I’m not worth saving.” Waverly lets out a strangled noise. “Just leave me. I hurt you so badly. I don’t deserve you.”

“Baby hush, stop talking, it’s okay. Just relax okay, Wynonna’s getting the revenant. Just focus on me okay.” Waverly is petting her hair, barely holding back sobs and sniffling. Pressing the occasional kiss to her girlfriend’s sweaty forehead.

There’s gunshots, loud and then the wailing of a revenant being sent back to hell. Nicole thinks she hears footsteps, feels the rumble of Waverly speaking and then Wynonna’s face swims into view. She’s speaking but Nicole can’t hear her. She tries not to, she tries so hard not to, but she passes out.

When Nicole wakes again it’s to a white room and soft beeping. A hospital. Her first thought is she is so done with passing out, she never wants to sleep again, doesn’t even want to close her eyes again. Waverly is asleep in a chair next to the bed, holding tightly to Nicole’s hand. Wynonna is somewhere down the hall, Nicole can hear her voice floating down the hall. She groans and flexes her fingers, first her free right hand and then her left, the one Waverly is holding. The small movement wakes the younger woman, her head lifting, eyes blinking blearily and then she seems to wake up all at once, jolting upright and standing up.

“You’re up! Are you okay? How are you feeling?” she speaks too fast, he words bumping into each other as they rush to exit her mouth.

“Waverly.” The sound of her name seems to shut her up immediately. She shudders and without warning her eyes start to shine and not a second later tears start to stream down her face. It’s second nature by now, Nicole reaches out and takes Waverly’s hand, and draws her down, gently encouraging her into bed, rearranging themselves until their comfortably tangled together. Waverly is still softly crying and Nicole is doing her best to comfort her while avoiding all the injuries littered around her body.

The door creaks open and there’s a soft knock before Wynonna steps in, smiling. “Hey there, good to see you finally up Haught stuff.” Nicole smiles for what feels like the first time in months.

“Hey.” She responds softly. Wynonna takes the seat Waverly had previous been sitting in and rubs her hand up and down her little sisters arm. “It was a revenant that got you. A nasty one. Which, seeing what we deal with on a daily basis is saying a lot.” Nicole nods and looks down at the woman in her arms, clinging to her for all she’s worth. “He was literally draining you of your life. Waverly told us what you said when we found you. It sounds like as it drained you it was making you more and more depressed, trying to get you to kill yourself. Or at least that’s what Dolls thinks.” She nods, it makes sense. Wynonna stands then and in an almost maternal gesture brushes the backs of her fingers across Nicole’s cheek as she lean into the touch. “We think you’ll be okay given enough time, so rest up and don’t go charging headfirst into anything for a couple weeks okay?” she says and she can read between the lines. Waverly wasn’t the only one worried. She’d never admit it out loud but Wynonna cared almost as much as Waverly. She’s almost left before she grabs the frame and dips back in. “also in case you were curious, a cut on your forehead, a few minor lacerations on your arms and a broken rib. But otherwise you’re good.”

“Thank you Wynonna.” She gives a short salute then pulls the door closed. Waverly has calmed down to just sniffles.

“You didn’t want to be saved” she whispers, warm breath ghosting across collar bones and making her shiver. “You said you didn’t deserve me. You were babbling and kept trying to hurt yourself.” She slides her hands across Nicole’s cheek, along her jaw and around to the back of her neck, playing with the fine hairs there.

“Wynonna was right. It… did make me depressed. I kept thinking about all the mistakes I’d made. It wasn’t so bad at first, but the longer I was there the worse it got. I couldn’t stop thinking about... that night at Shorty’s. About how I messed up. I didn’t think you’d love me anymore. I stopped thinking I’d just made a mistake and started thinking I’d messed up so badly I wasn’t worth anything anymore.” The words come out without Nicole really thinking about what she’s saying.

Waverly looks pained. “Oh.”

“I’m okay now.” Nicole isn’t sure how to handle this situation, still unsure where her relationship with Waverly stands. “Are we still fighting?” she asks.

“What?” Waverly looks up at her, eyes wide before recognition seeps in. “oh…” Waverly takes a deep breath and gets that look on her face the Nicole has come to know means she’s thinking hard about her words. “I’m still upset about what you did but that’s not important right now. Expect a good long conversation later missy!” she says, a little of her usual self-shining through, making them both laugh. “But it’s not important now, what’s important now is you and being okay.” She plays with a few loose strands of red hair. “Besides, you’re on strict bedrest for at least two weeks, you can’t run away from me.”

Nicole nuzzles against her girlfriend, their cheeks rubbing together. “I love you.”

Waverly makes a noise in the back of her throat before bringing their lips together is a gentle kiss. “I love you too.” She whispers against her lips. Their kisses are soft and gentle and Nicole has to stop and take frequent breaks to catch her breath, her ribs aching and protesting the odd position but she ignores it. Kissing Waverly feels like coming home.


End file.
